The Way Was Us
Today is Chrystina's birthday.
I have written a great deal about the lessons of a life, the people who teach us, what we inherit, and what we hope to pass forward. But none of those ideas exists apart from the life in which I learned them.
Chrystina has been beside me through that life—as my wife, partner, confidante, challenger, and soulmate, and as the mother with whom I have had the extraordinary privilege of raising our three children.
Looking at the family we built together, I realized something I had never quite said this way before.
Before I ever named The Way, we were already living it.
The Way Was Us
Instead of another birthday card, I wanted to give Chrystina something that could remain: a song about the life behind the ideas, the family behind the legacy, and the person I would still choose every time.
Some promises become more meaningful after you have lived them.
On June 19, 2019, Chrystina and I renewed our wedding vows in Santorini. Our three children were there. By then, the words we were saying were no longer promises about a life we hoped to build. They were promises shaped by a life we had already built together—and by everything we still wanted to become.
That is part of why this song matters to me. The Way did not begin when I found language for it. Long before there was a framework, there was a marriage, a family, years of learning from each other, and the responsibility of trying to give our children a stronger place to begin.
I am proud of many things in my life. But when I think about what may matter most after accomplishments and titles fade, I keep returning to the life we built together and the three people we had the privilege of raising.
This song is my way of saying what ordinary language sometimes cannot: thank you for being my wife, my partner, my soulmate, and my way home.
Read the lyrics
Intro
Before I ever found the words Before I ever named The Way There was you beside me Living it with me Day by day
Verse 1
We didn't start with answers We started with a life Two people choosing one another A husband and a wife We built it in the ordinary The dinners, drives, and late-night talks In all the plans that changed around us And every road we had to walk You were there when I was certain You were there when I was wrong You knew when I needed challenging And when I just needed someone strong And somewhere in those years together Through everything that life put us through I learned that home was never a place Home was you
Pre-Chorus
I have spent a lifetime Trying to understand What is worth holding And what we leave behind But the answer was beside me Holding my hand
Chorus
Before I ever named The Way We were already living it Learning from yesterday But never letting yesterday decide what's next Building something strong enough To give our children room to fly A stronger place to start from And the freedom to choose their sky If anything of me lives on In something good that they become Let everyone who comes after know The Way was never mine alone The Way was us
Verse 2
Look at the three lives that we raised Look at who they've grown to be Sharp minds that know how to question Strong enough in heart and body to lead They walk into a room with purpose They carry themselves with quiet pride Not because we chose their futures But because we stood there by their side We taught them strength without hardness Discipline without losing heart To lead without needing the spotlight To finish what they choose to start And when the world looks up to them I hope you see what I can see So much of everything I admire in them Came from you and me But so much came from you
Pre-Chorus 2
Every early morning Every worry you kept inside Every time you carried more So one of us could rise Our children know my stories But you lived the chapters No one else could write
Chorus 2
Before I ever named The Way We were already living it Learning from yesterday But never letting yesterday decide what's next Building something strong enough To give our children room to fly A stronger place to start from And the freedom to choose their sky If anything of us lives on In something good that they become Let everyone who comes after know The Way was never mine alone The Way was us
Verse 3
And now I write about inheritance About wisdom passing through About the things a life can leave For someone we may never know I write about stewardship About carrying forward what is true But every time I follow that idea It somehow leads me back to you Because legacy isn't what we own It isn't books upon a shelf It's giving what we learned away So someone else can become more fully themselves And love was our first inheritance And love became what we passed on You and I were building the future Long before I knew That's what we'd done
Bridge
So on your birthday I don't want to count the years I want to count the lives you've touched The laughter The courage The thousand quiet ways you've loved us That no photograph could ever capture I want you to know I saw it I see it The wife who stood beside me The mother who helped shape three remarkable lives The partner who carried dreams with me The woman who could challenge me And still believe in me My confidante My partner My soulmate My home And if I had another lifetime Knowing everything I know today I would still find you I would still choose you Every time Every way
Final Chorus
Before I ever named The Way You were already part of it Every lesson, every sacrifice Every love that gave it breath We gave our children roots strong enough That they never needed chains We gave them somewhere to begin And permission to go farther than we came And someday when we're older And the house is quiet again When the children have their own roads And their own stories to hand down I'll still reach across for you The way I've always done Because after every road we've traveled After everything we've built and become If they ask me where The Way began I'll tell them— Not in a book Not in an idea Not in something I discovered It began in a life It began in a family It began with us
Outro
And if there is one thing I hope you always know Of all the things I am proud to leave behind The life I built with you Is the one I'm proudest of Happy birthday, my love My partner My soulmate My stronger starting point My way home
The family came before the philosophy.
Long before I had language for The Way, much of it was already being lived—in marriage, family, learning, sacrifice, partnership, correction, and the responsibility to leave the next generation a stronger starting point without choosing their destination for them.
Chrystina is not an afterthought to that story. She is integral to the life from which so much of it emerged.